A Dream

I had a dream last night that I was leading a group of my friends and some strangers in a meditation session. A woman was there who was the dharma teacher, and she passed the bell to me. I was worried about getting everything right, and kept dropping the bell, and its random attachments. I was worried about messing things up, and proving myself to the teacher. The dream was very long, and most of it was me trying to gather people in the right place, picking up the dropped bell, worrying about screwing up, etc. And when I actually started ‘teaching’ I woke up talking, saying what I wanted to say in the dream. It was weird.
But in hindsight, this is often how go about meditation, and many things in my life. It is a lot of ‘well, I will do it later when I can get everything perfectly right’, or ‘I can’t devote the time it needs now, so I will put it off’. I procrasinate or not do things all together because it isn’t the exact right time. From laundry to meditation.
But there will ALWAYS be dust bunnies in your meditation corner. Or animal fur on your zafu. Or fat on your body. Delaying meditation/love/change for the perfect situation will always delay happiness. The quote ‘sit like your hair is on fire’ could apply here. Every minute delayed cleaning your bathroom or finding the right incense is another minute your scalp burns, another minute your life ebbs away forever.
So waiting until some perfect time to dedicate myself to practice, or giving into love, is futile, and attachment to perfection. I don’t need the permission of perfection to find happiness. I have a right to be peaceful, a right to care for myself, right to be happy.
Finally! Permission to just act! No need to decorate myself in false perfection, in imagined shining emperors clothes. To just be! As I am. Just fine. Right now.