Evening Chant and 5 mindfulness trainings.

I sang the evening chant at the sangha meeting last night. I had been practicing for weeks. It went better than I expected, only a few moments of anxiety, deep in my belly. My voice cracked on one note, the jump on "leaving", as I feared it might. I will practice that. But the acoustics in the room were great, and really made things sound better. Most of the group said thank you and they enjoyed it. I felt proud and shy at the same time. I haven't sung really since high school, not in a performance aspect, and surely not a capella.
I also noticed that I don't like the cushions facing each other. I feel like I am being looked at, or something. I don't like eyes on me! Isn't that strange? Or paranoid. I am not sure which.
We also went over and recited the new Plum Village 5 mindfulness trainings. Many people spoke of fear of dogma and 'thou shalt nots'. I felt the same way, but I also recognize that those are my own preconceived notions of what precepts are. Are they suggestion? Intentions? Rules? Laws? I fear and reject such things because of my own experience with dogma. What if they might help?
I am conflicted. I refuse to allow anyone to place spiritual rules on me, as I reject much authority on the matter. I take what seems right to me and apply it. I always found 'commandments' so childish. Why do you have to tell anyone that stealing is wrong, that you shouldn't lust so much it breaks up a family? It seems like common mores, but then I was raised in a judeo christian society, so I guess that is my baseline.
I feel that some of the older people in the group think they are supposed to be tied to the dogma. What does it matter really if you don't recite the mindfulness trainings? I see the need to remember them, to refresh them, but it is almost as if you are upsetting someone or something if you don't. I don't think Thich Nhat Hanh cares if you don't. It is you who are being upset, you who have guilt?
But I am being judgemental, thinking I know anything about anything. I do love having a full cup, and I keep refilling it!